YEARNING.

Let me take the lead today. I want to show you something. Something you’ve probably ever seen before and experienced it perhaps but let me share the story today. Let me tell it. A listening ear, observatory eyes, a face that shys not (I need those reactions, okay?) and thereafter a feedback, can you give me that?

Thank you.

See that lady over there? The lightskin lady in glasses. No, not that one. The tall, skinny one with boxer braids. Yes! Yes! The one in high waist pants. She’s really pretty, isn’t she? Yeah. Those cheeks, long neck… her figure is to die for! I love her style as well. She can rock guys’ clad and still bring a feminine side to it. Love!

I thought you’d ask. What’s that got to do with anything?
Do you really think I’d begin with that whole introduction if it hadn’t a thing to do with everything? Of course not. Well, she’s more or less like me. Yes! That reaction tells me you’re wondering how. Like me, she’s one person that also believes in genuine friendship, has those high expectations of friends, loves and cherishes her own, she’d actually  die for you if she felt that you’re a real amiga. People once thought she’s had a perfect life until she started telling her stories. You know, people love hanging out with her and around her. She’s a very friendly person really but more often than not likes to be alone. When around people she does light up, laughter is her medicine. But these people that like being around her used to say she didn’t care. Sometimes she just wouldn’t be there for them like when they first started. She’d distance herself, take long walks alone in the woods, eat by herself, live far away. Sometimes she’d be around them but zone out. This is unlike the first times they met her.

What they don’t know is that she’s been really lonely for a very long time. When she meets new people who want to be friends with her, she gives them the chance. That’s why she’s always so good when you first meet. She’ll show you love, visit you often, popup with gifts. She’ll be there for you no matter what. The problem though is that with time she’ll expect the same from you. She’ll want you to trust her as well, she’ll want you to talk to her, sort of make her feel wanted and a priority. It’s not just a one way traffic.
But guess what?! Yeah, every single time she does that, she ends up disappointed and heartbroken. She hurts so bad, starts coming up with things in her head, asks those long chains of questions and finally ends up letting go.  So in her healing, she gets away, shuts for some time and when she eventually accepts that you’re just like anyone else, cruel humans, she’ll come around only this time not as a friend but as someone she just “knows”.

Still wondering why she’s standing there sort of alone?
Why she’s staring thoughtfully in the air?
Why she isn’t engaging very actively with them?
Why she’s occasionally laughing so hard at things that aren’t even funny?
Why she’s looking around hoping for someone to see how lonely she is?
She feels left out. Just trying to fit back in.

Do you think she’ll be okay? Will I be?

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Author: laurahstar

Poetry.Deep musings.Just thoughts that might help one day

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