I have said words
A thousand of them per minute
I have used tonal variation
High pitch when angry
And low and gentle when in a good mood
I have used body movements
Haven’t you seen me sit in certain postures?
Seen me chew my nails once in a while?
Changes in the way I eat, talk or walk or even laugh during some occasions ?
I have used facial expressions
Pushed my lower lip outward
Wrinkled my forehead
Widened my eyes
For goodness sake! I have used gestures
I even tried mimicry
Why is it that you never understand me?
It seems like you never hear me let alone listen
Like you’re deaf to my noises
Doesn’t matter whether they’re constructive or destructive
Do you not see me?
Because sometimes it doesn’t feel like it
You don’t seem to appreciate my fashion sense
You don’t even notice when I change!
When I’m not okay
When I want you to be here
I don’t feel like you ever are
When will you look into my eyes and ask me what it is that bothers me?
When will you hold my hand and assure me that you will hold it to the end?
When will you let me walk in front you and whisper that you got my back?
When will you hug me and let it just be the two of us?
When will you wipe out my make up and tell me that I look beautiful without it?
When will I be visible to you again?
When will you prioritize us?
Is it that I don’t know how to communicate with or to you?
Is it that I do it in a language you don’t comprehend?
Or in a way you aren’t comfortable with?
I am tired
I am tired of struggling
Trying to paint myself in those bold colours so that I can be visible in your eyes
If we truly are one, this should be as frustrating to you as it is to me
Please talk to me or better still teach me