Scared.

I am heavily perspiring

There are trickles of sweat in my brows,

In my hair

On my forehead

It even feels like there are waterfalls in my armpits

I feel like I cannot breathe

Like someone is heavily choking me with some leather belt

My neck feels tightened

And my throat squeezed

And no matter how much am gasping for air

None of it is getting to my lungs

My heart is racing

The adrenaline flashing in my veins is immense

But no matter how hard I’m trying

I cannot move a single muscle

Not even to blink

They’re all tense

I cannot believe what I’m seeing

Not that I want to anyway

But eyes are glued

I have never seen anything like this even in my worst nightmares

This is absolute horror

And I’m completely paralyzed

My blood turns icy

My legs begin to cramp

Heck I can’t move even to ease the pain

A chocked cry for help forces itself up my throat

And a drop runs my cheek.

Take me back

image

I don’t understand myself

I just don’t

Occasionally I lie clueless in bed

Knowing only one thing

That I want to be held by you again

That I miss when you tuck a piece of hair behind my ear

And lift my chin

I miss you looking into my hazel eyes

When you lean on my shoulder

And whisper that you’ll never let go

The sound vibrations make my blood boil

I know it’s cliché

But it sends shivers down my spine

Saliva suddenly escapes my mouth

And my throat becomes dry

My knees weaken

My legs cannot support my weight

I can barely stand on my own

My hands behave as if they’re lifeless

They can’t hold

My heart swells

If it weren’t made of elastic cardiac muscles

I swear it could explode

My breath is slowed

For a split second,

Not one part of me is functional

I think I die

I can’t think

I can’t breathe

I can’t see

I’m motionless

But then I spring back to life when you wrap me in your arms

The only place I believe I belong

But this is all in my head

Because we can’t do this anymore

I can’t do this anymore

A tear flows freely down my cheek

And I lie in bed again

I don’t understand myself

I just don’t

But I know that

I miss the safety

The protection

The homely feeling

The sensation

I miss you.

By laurahstar.

Picture credit:
http://www.condenaststore.com/-sp/A-smiley-face-lies-in-bed-next-to-him-is-a-water-glass-with-his-line-dra-New-Yorker-Cartoon-Prints_i8542053_.htm