CHAINS and SWORDS

I know how it feels like to be in chains 

To pull back and forth in vain

I know what it is like to fight in the dark

To fight monsters you don’t recognize 

When you stick and stab with needles

but just through air

Yet they have swords 

Thick and made of the toughest of steel

They pierce through your skin

And cut and slice as they please

And you cry and wail and scream and beg for mercy

But they don’t speak your tongue

they don’t comprehend your language

They go on and on

no rush, no hurry

You watch your flesh drop in cubes,

and your blood splatter like paint

not on walls or shoes or clothes

but on faces

faceless faces

your hair falls strand by strand,

your mouth dries,

your voice becomes coarse,

your nails like thin glass begin to crack

so do your teeth

and in no time, your bones follow soot

you are cold and broken and distorted and lifeless

your body can’t take it

no more

it gives in

you give in

and suddenly you can see them

and feel them

and smell them

you can understand when they speak and move

you can communicate 

Then it occurs to you

all they ever wanted was for you to be on their side, in their world

for you to torture

to suck and squeeze life out of people just like they did to you

all the things you’ve never thought of doing 

at least not to people

but it’s a little too late

you’re one of them

Faceless 

putting people in chains

and you don’t hesitate to use your swords

it’s a game

chains and swords

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Hurt

Pain pain

Go away

Come again another day

I’m tired of being trapped

Tired of trying to get you to notice me

Tired of pulling all these stunts

I want to be the real me when I’m around you

But the you I see doesn’t like people like me

Doesn’t want to be associated with the likes

You see me, maybe

But you don’t see me that way

There’s so much to me

Than just the girl in glasses

Than the girl that spends eighty percent of her time at the library

Than the girl that spends her leisure reading Dan Brown

Than the girl who is socially impaired

You pretend to like them

To be like them

To do stuff they do

When you’re just like me

And in this imperfect world,

People like us should stick together

It hurts

To like someone who may never give you even an ounce of their attention

To like someone who is capable of liking you back

But is too scared to risk anything

Because they seem to have everything

It’s not like I want everything

I just want you

And I hate the fact that the heart wants what it wants

Because I don’t get to choose who I like

If I could, I would

Unfortunately,

All I have is pain.

Pain pain

Go away

Come again another day.

Waiting

Do you know what it’s like being in solitary confinement?

Just the feeling?

I know you don’t

But I do because you’ve put me through it

When one is deprived of

Sunshine

The external environment

Human interaction

When one is treated like a caged animal

Like they don’t deserve to live

Like they live on loaned air

And the only right they have is of them being alive or dead

What’s the point in living anyway?

What’s the point in fighting so hard for someone you know you’ll never have?

In holding onto a love that already faded?

In listening to love songs when you know you’ll never have love?

What’s the point in breathing?

When the only breath I want to feel is yours in my ear

Is there a point in longing to get out?

In wishing to see the rest of the world?

I’d rather not live

Than live to see another day in a world where you aren’t with me

I’d rather stay in here if I have to

And be insane

Go mental

Than leave and be constantly tortured by the image of you with her

Do you even know what it does to me?

To my soul?

You probably don’t

Because you can’t understand something you’ve never felt

You can’t comprehend something you never knew

It truly is detrimental in here

But it’s a price I’m willing to pay

In hope that you’ll be mine again

Even if that little candle of hope is slowly burning out

And soon all this will just be some stupid history and I’ll be the foolish persona

Scared.

I am heavily perspiring

There are trickles of sweat in my brows,

In my hair

On my forehead

It even feels like there are waterfalls in my armpits

I feel like I cannot breathe

Like someone is heavily choking me with some leather belt

My neck feels tightened

And my throat squeezed

And no matter how much am gasping for air

None of it is getting to my lungs

My heart is racing

The adrenaline flashing in my veins is immense

But no matter how hard I’m trying

I cannot move a single muscle

Not even to blink

They’re all tense

I cannot believe what I’m seeing

Not that I want to anyway

But eyes are glued

I have never seen anything like this even in my worst nightmares

This is absolute horror

And I’m completely paralyzed

My blood turns icy

My legs begin to cramp

Heck I can’t move even to ease the pain

A chocked cry for help forces itself up my throat

And a drop runs my cheek.

Take me back

image

I don’t understand myself

I just don’t

Occasionally I lie clueless in bed

Knowing only one thing

That I want to be held by you again

That I miss when you tuck a piece of hair behind my ear

And lift my chin

I miss you looking into my hazel eyes

When you lean on my shoulder

And whisper that you’ll never let go

The sound vibrations make my blood boil

I know it’s cliché

But it sends shivers down my spine

Saliva suddenly escapes my mouth

And my throat becomes dry

My knees weaken

My legs cannot support my weight

I can barely stand on my own

My hands behave as if they’re lifeless

They can’t hold

My heart swells

If it weren’t made of elastic cardiac muscles

I swear it could explode

My breath is slowed

For a split second,

Not one part of me is functional

I think I die

I can’t think

I can’t breathe

I can’t see

I’m motionless

But then I spring back to life when you wrap me in your arms

The only place I believe I belong

But this is all in my head

Because we can’t do this anymore

I can’t do this anymore

A tear flows freely down my cheek

And I lie in bed again

I don’t understand myself

I just don’t

But I know that

I miss the safety

The protection

The homely feeling

The sensation

I miss you.

By laurahstar.

Picture credit:
http://www.condenaststore.com/-sp/A-smiley-face-lies-in-bed-next-to-him-is-a-water-glass-with-his-line-dra-New-Yorker-Cartoon-Prints_i8542053_.htm