Waiting

Do you know what it’s like being in solitary confinement?

Just the feeling?

I know you don’t

But I do because you’ve put me through it

When one is deprived of

Sunshine

The external environment

Human interaction

When one is treated like a caged animal

Like they don’t deserve to live

Like they live on loaned air

And the only right they have is of them being alive or dead

What’s the point in living anyway?

What’s the point in fighting so hard for someone you know you’ll never have?

In holding onto a love that already faded?

In listening to love songs when you know you’ll never have love?

What’s the point in breathing?

When the only breath I want to feel is yours in my ear

Is there a point in longing to get out?

In wishing to see the rest of the world?

I’d rather not live

Than live to see another day in a world where you aren’t with me

I’d rather stay in here if I have to

And be insane

Go mental

Than leave and be constantly tortured by the image of you with her

Do you even know what it does to me?

To my soul?

You probably don’t

Because you can’t understand something you’ve never felt

You can’t comprehend something you never knew

It truly is detrimental in here

But it’s a price I’m willing to pay

In hope that you’ll be mine again

Even if that little candle of hope is slowly burning out

And soon all this will just be some stupid history and I’ll be the foolish persona

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Take me back

image

I don’t understand myself

I just don’t

Occasionally I lie clueless in bed

Knowing only one thing

That I want to be held by you again

That I miss when you tuck a piece of hair behind my ear

And lift my chin

I miss you looking into my hazel eyes

When you lean on my shoulder

And whisper that you’ll never let go

The sound vibrations make my blood boil

I know it’s cliché

But it sends shivers down my spine

Saliva suddenly escapes my mouth

And my throat becomes dry

My knees weaken

My legs cannot support my weight

I can barely stand on my own

My hands behave as if they’re lifeless

They can’t hold

My heart swells

If it weren’t made of elastic cardiac muscles

I swear it could explode

My breath is slowed

For a split second,

Not one part of me is functional

I think I die

I can’t think

I can’t breathe

I can’t see

I’m motionless

But then I spring back to life when you wrap me in your arms

The only place I believe I belong

But this is all in my head

Because we can’t do this anymore

I can’t do this anymore

A tear flows freely down my cheek

And I lie in bed again

I don’t understand myself

I just don’t

But I know that

I miss the safety

The protection

The homely feeling

The sensation

I miss you.

By laurahstar.

Picture credit:
http://www.condenaststore.com/-sp/A-smiley-face-lies-in-bed-next-to-him-is-a-water-glass-with-his-line-dra-New-Yorker-Cartoon-Prints_i8542053_.htm